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Two weeks ago yesterday, I lost the very will to live when the doctor told us that you didn’t make it. It has been agony ever since, watching what seemed like a perfectly happy and healthy two month old baby boy that we loved so much, get taken away from us so quickly for reasons we still don’t know. We have had so much heartache and confusion in the process of believing and accepting that we will never get our baby back.
Draven Xavier Dennis was the light of our lives. I mean every word when I say he was a perfect baby. All parents say that, but he really was. He slept well, he was awake well, he was happy 90% of the time, and he was always so aware of everything around him. Even his doctors were just dumbfounded when they saw him because of how alert and calm he was all the time, when most babies are asleep or crying. He was well ahead on all his milestones, off the charts with his height of 26+ inches, and in the 70th percentile for weight of 15+ pounds. At 11 weeks, he was holding his bottle on his own, teething like crazy and chewing on everything he could get in his mouth, turning over halfway on his own, mimicking sounds and movements, holding his head up completely, and trying to figure out with little patience just what the heck his legs were for! He had also just discovered his feet.
We won’t get to see his teeth come in, or his first steps, or hear his first words or read to him. Every year, March 23rd, will be a bittersweet reminder of a year we don’t get with the most precious gift we were ever given. And every year, June 14th, will be a devastating blow over again that that gift was taken away so unexpectedly. It’s so hard typing this now, because this blog began while I was still pregnant with Draven, and all the hopes and dreams and excitement of being a first time mom and making a living staying home with him every day were very apparent in all my posts. Now I am having to rename and redo so many things, but it will always be for my baby boy. This blog will now be in remembrance to Draven, and a journey through our lives as we learn to live again without the light in our eyes and hearts, hopeful that we will be blessed again with a child or children who will never be him but they will know the love we gave him themselves, and that one day we will see Draven again. It will also continue to be a resource for new and existing parents, as well as a resource for grieving parents, and those living the blogging and work from home lifestyle. Maybe somehow out of this horrible tragedy that should never happen to anyone, I will be able to relate and help others who have walked, are walking, and will walk in these footsteps of life after loss…and we’ll realize eventually that we are never truly alone, though we may feel that way for now.
In loving memory of Draven Xavier Dennis, born March 23, 2017 and passed away June 14, 2017
To view the old home page before Draven’s passing, please click HERE